Growing up I've had too many heart breaks and disappointments in life and people. Maybe it's the reason why I've turned out to be this cold, indifferent and insensitive. I wish I could undo what I've become... I always try hard to bring happiness to everyone around me.. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid of commitments, of being emotionally attached to people... And it sucks... because though I fight so hard to realize that we need to experience pain to feel alive.. i still dont want it. But I want to want it. It's just hard for me now... I know every heart aches can be get over with, every failure can be overcome...and everything will be okay eventually... I hate that way of thinking... I hate it but that's how I believe things to be. It makes me feel so lifeless.
I dont wanna to be okay when there;s no reason to be okay. I want to cry and feel devastated when i fail or when i am hurt. I wanna feel that and treasure it. I wanna feel happy when there's a reason to be happy... and I wanna stay that way while I still have it. I wanna feel all these things...one at a time..feel alive again. But I dont know how... Ive been alone for far too long.. and i just dont know how to care anymore.
Sigh. this blog has been too gloomy. I must make myself happy again. Last gloomy post for this month... or maybe until next year i hope. :s
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
:'(
It's hard to let this kind of life go. But in order to push forward.. in order to regain what was lost... I need to let go. We need to let it all go.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Remember. There is no absolute truth. Keep an Open Mind.
I am a sinner and will always be. I will forever be needy and never think highly of myself. For this is how I live and I'd have it no other way. I would rather be out in the world and see the wrongs for myself, be faulty and fail. I'd rather be with people who are imperfect and sin, but humble and admit to their faults. I'd rather be with someone who fails every so often but keeps an open mind and never judge than be with someone who never faults and never listen but only to himself. Id rather sin and realize there's more to that. I'd rather be wrong and know what's right in the process than be right all the time and never know what's on the other side. For one can never be known if the other had not existed. I'd rather feel pain and know that it'll never be okay, to savour the moment of defeat and heartbreak and be okay in time and realize there's more to self pity and loneliness. I'd rather be face down and admit defeat and fight so hard until I could get up again. I'd rather have it the difficult way... to be out in the harsh world, be scared, get bruised, sin and repent. I'd rather be judged than to judge. I'd rather see it both ways myself than judge my beliefs only on how I've observed things. I'd rather learn on my own mistakes than in other people's mistake. I'd rather see how it has made good or bad, beautiful or ugly. I'd rather sin and learn from it. I'd rather be a sinner and always be needy of My Lord's Salvation.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Reblog. :l ikr. Ill be an old maid. :s
Dating a med student? Check out these tips for a "healthy" relationship.
1. Don't expect to see them. Ever.
2. Accept the fact they will have many affairs. With their books.
3. Learn to hide your “ew, gross” reactions when they tell you all the stuff you never wanted to know about your bodily functions.
4. Support them when they come home after each test, upset because they failed—and gently remind them after they get their well above passing grade how unnecessary the “I’m going to fail out of medical school and never become an MD” dramatics are.
5. Each week they will have a new illness. Some will be extremely rare, others will be more mundane. Doesn’t matter. They will be certain they have it (no second opinions necessary.) Med school can, and will, turn even the sanest into a hypochondriac. Date them for long enough, and you’ll become one too.
6. There will be weeks you'll forget you even have a boyfriend—friends will ask how he is and you'll say, “What? Who? Oh....right. He's well...I think.”
7. They'll make you hyper-aware that germs are everywhere and on everything. Even though you used to walk into your home with your shoes on, and sit on your bed in the same clothes you just wore while riding the subway, or sat on a public bench in, you'll become far too disgusted to ever do it again. Believe me, it's going to get bad...you'll watch yourself transform into the anal retentive person you swore you'd never become. And when you witness others perform these same acts that, before you began dating your med student, you spent your entire life doing too, you'll wince and wonder, “Ew! How can they do that? Don't they know how many germs and bacteria they're spreading??!”
8. Romantic date = Chinese take-out in front of the TV on their 10 minute study break.
9. A vacation together consists of a trip down the street to Walgreens for new highlighters and printer paper.
10. Their study habits will make you feel like a complete slacker. For them, hitting the books 8-to-10 hours a day is not uncommon, nor difficult. You'll wonder how you ever managed to pass school on your meager one hour of studying per night.
11. They're expected to know everything. Everything! The name of the 8 billion-lettered, German sounding cell that lives in the depths of your inner ear, the technical term for the “no one's ever heard of this disease” disease that exists only on one foot of the Southern tip of the African continent. But ask them if your knee is swollen, or what you should do to tame your mucous-filled cough, or why the heck your head feels like someone's been drilling through it for oil for two weeks straight, and they won't have a clue.
12. “My brain's filled with so much information, I can't be expected to remember THAT!" will be the standard excuse for forgetting anniversaries, birthdays, and, if you get this far, probably the birth of your first-born.
13. You'll need friends with unending patience who pretend never to get sick of listening to your endless venting and complaints. Or, you'll need to pay a therapist who will pretend never to get sick of listening to your endless venting and complaints.
But take this all with a grain of salt. It's not like I'm speaking from experience or anything...
Via Foxnews
1. Don't expect to see them. Ever.
2. Accept the fact they will have many affairs. With their books.
3. Learn to hide your “ew, gross” reactions when they tell you all the stuff you never wanted to know about your bodily functions.
4. Support them when they come home after each test, upset because they failed—and gently remind them after they get their well above passing grade how unnecessary the “I’m going to fail out of medical school and never become an MD” dramatics are.
5. Each week they will have a new illness. Some will be extremely rare, others will be more mundane. Doesn’t matter. They will be certain they have it (no second opinions necessary.) Med school can, and will, turn even the sanest into a hypochondriac. Date them for long enough, and you’ll become one too.
6. There will be weeks you'll forget you even have a boyfriend—friends will ask how he is and you'll say, “What? Who? Oh....right. He's well...I think.”
7. They'll make you hyper-aware that germs are everywhere and on everything. Even though you used to walk into your home with your shoes on, and sit on your bed in the same clothes you just wore while riding the subway, or sat on a public bench in, you'll become far too disgusted to ever do it again. Believe me, it's going to get bad...you'll watch yourself transform into the anal retentive person you swore you'd never become. And when you witness others perform these same acts that, before you began dating your med student, you spent your entire life doing too, you'll wince and wonder, “Ew! How can they do that? Don't they know how many germs and bacteria they're spreading??!”
8. Romantic date = Chinese take-out in front of the TV on their 10 minute study break.
9. A vacation together consists of a trip down the street to Walgreens for new highlighters and printer paper.
10. Their study habits will make you feel like a complete slacker. For them, hitting the books 8-to-10 hours a day is not uncommon, nor difficult. You'll wonder how you ever managed to pass school on your meager one hour of studying per night.
11. They're expected to know everything. Everything! The name of the 8 billion-lettered, German sounding cell that lives in the depths of your inner ear, the technical term for the “no one's ever heard of this disease” disease that exists only on one foot of the Southern tip of the African continent. But ask them if your knee is swollen, or what you should do to tame your mucous-filled cough, or why the heck your head feels like someone's been drilling through it for oil for two weeks straight, and they won't have a clue.
12. “My brain's filled with so much information, I can't be expected to remember THAT!" will be the standard excuse for forgetting anniversaries, birthdays, and, if you get this far, probably the birth of your first-born.
13. You'll need friends with unending patience who pretend never to get sick of listening to your endless venting and complaints. Or, you'll need to pay a therapist who will pretend never to get sick of listening to your endless venting and complaints.
But take this all with a grain of salt. It's not like I'm speaking from experience or anything...
Via Foxnews
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Boom!
And one day you wake up and it happens. You're doing fine, perfectly fine. No longer trapped by the past. Ready to move forward.
Yes Im free of love from you.
=) I'm actually happy. Because I know I deserve a better love.
------
P.S
I dont hate you. I am still and always gonna be fond of you. Just now, I know Love is not something we're gonna be good at. :)
Yes Im free of love from you.
=) I'm actually happy. Because I know I deserve a better love.
------
P.S
I dont hate you. I am still and always gonna be fond of you. Just now, I know Love is not something we're gonna be good at. :)
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