“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.”

― Markus Zusak, I am the Messenger

Migraine

Im trying my hardest not to think about you, so please, be a little cooperative. Move out, go to a far far away place or something, I don't care what it is, just disappear. It has been way too long since I've played this game, and I don't know how to anymore. I'm at lost.

"This is about you not being able to commit, because committing means saying goodbye to whatever unfulfilled fantasy of love you've concocted after seeing too many Meg Ryan movies. But men don't come and make everything all better - they're only human. And you shouldn't punish him because you were forced to grow up so fast you never learned how to let someone else take care of you. He's not your father, okay, he's not necessarily gonna disappear at the first sign of trouble. And, as scary as it is to consider letting yourself be truly vulnerable with another human being, what's even scarier is that deep down inside you know you picked this man... and if you run away from him now, you'll be running away from being the kind of person you always wanted to be." Carla, Scrubs

"You got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep on thinking about somebody else."

I think...

You're stupid, naive, selfish, a coward and such a flirt which makes you a jerk and I hate you because none of that is true and reality bites me that you are the most gentle and amazing man I've ever met. And I wish you knew that that's how I see you, but it'll be forever a secret, because today will be the last day I'll ever let myself feel this way about you.

“What if she was meant to be, or could have been, someone important in my life? I think that’s what scares me: the randomness of everything. That the people who could be important to you might just pass you by. Or you pass them by. How do you know…I felt that by walking away I was abandoning them, that I spent my entire life, day after day, abandoning people.” —Peter Cameron

Like is an understatement. Love is a little too overstatement. Care...yes, that's the perfect word to describe what I feel about you. I care.

Maybe not. I was just too alone.

My heart does not race when you are around, it is at peace, calm and content. But being away from you... my mind is at chaos. I can't seem to get you off of it. Not the typical love that I've always known, but for some reason, I know that this is love.

I'm the kind of girl who doesn't know exactly what would make me happy. Most of the time I like some things without even my knowledge and sometimes, I'm even the last one to know that I like a certain person. It takes a whole lot of effort and encouragement from friends and families before I realize it, and when I do... I storm into a panic, in which I would deny in my biggest effort and find reasons why it is impossible and absurd to the point that I drove that certain person away. But eventually, I give in and realize that my actions went far beyond my awareness that I really am feeling something special. And by the time that I do, I am lost and in grief with all the denials and rejections I sent out to that person... When in reality all I want is that person to see beyond what I say and do, that most of the time, I am hateful to the things and persons that I love the most. Because I am incapable of admitting defeat... yes, that what I perceive falling in love to be, defeat. And that, I am just scared to be the one who fall in love first.