..and im back again.

G:so tell me, what do u wanna happen right now?
X: talk with you, about life, things
G: okay i can do that
X: what else can you do
G: be a friend if ud just stop saying things u really dont mean
X: like?
G: i dont know , just anything u really dont wanna do something about.
X: like loving you?
G: yes
X: its not a matter of what i want
X: its just that i cant
G: exactly.
G: let's leave things that cant be
X: youre bitter
G: yes






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FUCK! ofcourse I am ! You %^&*(^%$%#$!#!!!! >:(


sigh. So tell me... is you, not always knowing the right things to say, a sign that I should just walk away?

Im okay now.

Reminders:

Short term Goal: Have a scholarship by next school year.

Long term Goal: Be a *insert sub specialty here* SURGEON.

ULITIMATE GOAL: BE HAPPY :)

DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!DAMN IT!

I should have ran away with you when I could. Because you're right... I'm definitely just living my life for people who don't really care. No one cares. No one give a fuck about anything. I'm just so tired... I can't go on anymore....

Nothing is going right. Everything is falling apart. I lost all reasons why I'm doing this. Sacrifices and all hopes gone to waste. Everyone just wants an easy way out. I'm just so tired. I've lost everything for them and now, they too, are gone. I'm tired...just really tired..maybe it's time to give up...

Sometimes I want to runaway from all these. Just stop having myself to work so hard and live up to everyone's expectations. Sometimes I Just WANT to runaway and never look back. Sometimes I just want to runaway. But I don't have the courage to let these people down, I've too much love for them. I'm too much of a coward to fail. Or maybe there's just no one to runaway with, no other home to go to. I look behind me and realized I've gone too far... far alone. I've let too much chances pass me by, I've let too much real things pass me by..that I don't think I'd ever wanna go that trouble again. I'm alone. And no one's really there to save me anymore. I've become too strong , too indifferent, too numb...beacuse I needed to... for everyone who expects me to make it. But at the end of the day no one can remain strong enough... especially when they got no one to tell them it's gonna be okay eventually. Today I ain't strong enough to be anyone's hero. Today, I want to tell everyone I'M DONE.

But hopefully tomorrow...This feeling will change. As it always have been.

I'll be what you hate the most...there's no sense in living up to what is right when you're not here with me.

Thoughts are overflowing in my head. I need to Blog sometime... Hmmm

LSS




Control yourself G. You asked for this. :s