on a note

When you're in the phase of your life where you know exactly who you are, who you want to be with and what you want to do for the rest of your life, suddenly, everything seems so hard to attain.
So do u give up and just walk away from it?
A lot of people spend their whole lifetime searching for a purpose in life, searching for one thing or one person that could give them the happiness that they would sacrifice anything for...
And here I am, just letting pain, hardships and sacrifices eat me alive...
I'm asking this question... Why must it be this hard??
then ...i realized...that really... i never liked when things are easy... This is exactly what i want, how i want it.. and if it takes a lifetime for me to reach these goals... well..that is exactly what i have.. A lifetime.


- Note to self

Still fighting!

I could have done much better... sigh.. :(

I know it'd be selfish to ask... "What about me?". I want nothing but goodness for my family... and what I've dedicated my life for is not just my responsibility to my family, but also a responsibility and a promise I made for my Lord. And if I have to start from scratch and if i have to bleed every day just to fulfill my mission, I would. And I will promise myself, everyday, that I will do everything to bring all the goodness my family had gave me. I will work hard everyday to bring back what my family has lost...

I'll do whatever it takes to make it.

“It’s when I’m standing six feet away from you and not being able to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just scream to the whole room that I’m still in love with you. It’s when I’m sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up that I would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight. It’s when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to that I realize you’re the only one who really knew me at all. It’s when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It’s when I think about you that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me.”
— ~ James Frey

....

things are gonna change. and it worries me. :s

Just thankful everyday for another chance with you. ^^

Proof that it doesn't really take that much to actually make a difference, or touch someone else's life. We are all capable.

I heart WongFu productions. :)



love their vids! :0

my lesson today

Today was just any other day. I woke up early, and walk to my class this morning. Just a daily routine. And on my way, I saw a little cross on the road and I was compelled to pick it up, but I didn't. I stopped for a second to think if I should go back and pick it up...But still I didn't. Just because it is not part of the daily routine, something unusual like that.
It dawned on me how I've been living my life on the safe side.
Not wanting any change, not risking anything.
At times I wonder how have I change my life over the past 23 years. And looking back... I don't see that much change at all.
I'm not saying that the life I have right now isn't the life I want, because with all honesty, it's exactly what I pictured my life would be, I'm exactly the person I thought I'd be.
But how many risks have I exactly taken to make a difference? To actually be something. I look back saddened of what I realized, I've done nothing...
Nothing at all to make a difference...
I asked myself How much influence have I've been to other people? Have I touched someone else's life? perhaps... But I will never know for sure... I could walk out of this earth unnoticed and I guess that's okay, lives around me would still be moving on.
But what bothered me most is how I realized that I've made no connections among other people...I've never made something or someone matter in my life. I have never crossed that line.

Maybe that's what's been missing, something really important in my life, It sucks that I've come to realize that everything in this earth can be left behind, every wound heals. It just loses the whole sense of life and making connections.

How I wish I knew earlier in this life that everything is permitted. Then I would have made a lot of mistakes that could have made me stronger, rather than just letting chances pass by just because Im too scared to get out of my comfort zones.

I've been protected all my life, but I see now that everyone can't forever shield you from harm... little by little, I see the people who have always been protecting me from reality slowly fading... it scares me for I really don't know what I would do...

Today I was taught of a very important lesson from God. Maybe its why I've never been truly happy, because of past opportunities I've missed because I'm too effing scared I'd fail.. and failed relationships just because Im too stupid to try a little harder.

Opportunities come only once, and they will never wait...there's really not much second chances around this earth.

There's just so many things I would like to do ... but never did.. because it would mean getting out of my comfort zone...

I wish one day I could leave this place.

I'd want to be free someday...

It bothers me... I should have picked up that cross...

on a movie

Loved it! Rarely does movies like this have happy endings...beautiful... ooh loving old fashion... :s